Sometimes I have a hard time remembering the past, because I spent so much time trying to move forward. Social media has been very helpful to look back over the years and remember. So much can happen to completely transform your life.
10 yrs ago in 2010-2013 I begin to get tired of some of the habits and mindsets that kept me stuck. I had repeated some behaviors over and over again that affected my relationship with myself and others. In 2013 I lost my 33 yr old cousin to cancer. She was a writer for the white house and the absolute most amazing person ever. When she passed away I couldn’t understand how God would take such an amazing person from this earth and leave someone like me. At that time I was so broken and my self esteem was so low. I hadn’t learned to appreciate who I was and who God had created me to be on this earth.
During those years my marriage was on edge and seemed like nothing in my personal life was going well. I was broken and scared in so many ways and couldn’t see how I could be any different. Life just seemed to replay itself, over and over again. Same wrong choices, same low self esteem. When I lost my cousin I made a decision. NO MORE. She had lived an amazing 33 yrs on earth and touched so many lives. I wanted my legacy to be something. I wanted to inspire peoples lives the way she changed and inspired my life. And it started on the drive home from her funeral back to Cincinnati and on that drive the change happen.
I started to live my life according to purpose and not just exist on earth letting every emotion and feeling affect how I acted, responded and lived.
It hasn’t been overnight and I’m still a work in progress, But when you know better, you do better.
Over the last decade so much about myself has been revealed to me. It’s taken me countless times falling down to learn how to get back up and live. It’s been a struggle in ways I never thought I would have to struggle. Sometimes I wanted to give up and just stay the same. Sometimes the change takes so much out of you, you feel completely stripped and naked. But as you start to reveal you start to grow, and you start to see someone you’ve been looking for, for a long time. And it starts to feel good.
I am still challenged with the woman I see in the mirror everyday and she still says and does some stupid stuff, but she know who she wants to be and I’ll continue to work every day to become that woman.
This is me walking into 2020!! Leaving everything that held me back behind!!
I wish you Blessing and all the life has waiting for you in 2020!!
As always,
Keep reaching for your SWEETEST LIFE!!
Stephanie J